Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
