too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
