Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
