I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
