why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize