I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
