it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
