How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
