Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
