I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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