WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
