The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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