my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
