it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
