I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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