'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
