In the future we'll all be gay
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
