hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize