my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
