i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
