In the future we'll all be gay
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
