i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize