About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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