He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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