hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
