Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
