you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
