I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
