he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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