Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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