Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
