so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
