Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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