I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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