Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
