Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
