I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
