Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
