im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
