i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
