i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
