I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Randomize