I wannas sexs uuuuu
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
