The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
