U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
