I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
