He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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