just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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