I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
wow bdsm is so cute
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
