My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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