Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize