I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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