well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
