God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
