i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
