tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
you will always have a special place in my vag
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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