Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
