Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
