Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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