Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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