I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
