Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
