Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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