Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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