Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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