I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
