Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
